Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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