We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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