you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
birth control should be required to get into college
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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