evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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