Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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