i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
