Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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