First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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