I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
