The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
