Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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