i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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