does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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