I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
not ubering you a puppy
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
