we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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