; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize