it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
sarcasm needs its own font
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
