He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
