Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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