Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
