so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
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i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
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When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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