I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
