Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
