just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
