ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
