WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
