Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Boobs speak an international language.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
