So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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