I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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