I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
