It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
