I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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