so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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