just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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