I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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