There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
