were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
sarcasm needs its own font
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
