its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
