so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
