is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
