My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
