I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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