Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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