we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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