morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
