we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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