Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
