u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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