Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
