I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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