I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
