she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
