I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
