I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
