I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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