dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
