I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
