Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
