I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
