yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
