Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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