In America we eat man semen.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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