I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
